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The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Provisional License Exam

by Beefy

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  • Provisional License Exam CD
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Classic, almost retro at this point compact disk of The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Provisional License Exam. Signed by Beefy, and will probably include some stickers.
    We're gonna run this kinda like a kickstarter in that I'm not going to order them for a week or so once we get an idea of how many we'll need. I don't do shows, so having a bunch of extra is something I don't really need at the moment.

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Provisional License Exam via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
How Bout U 02:54
What it is fellow kids Thought it dead but it lives Call me Beefy I'm greatest in the goddamn biz Usually watching movies about vigilantes Known to be your favorite rapper at the hootenanny With the english muffins filling nook and crannies Had some homies who got robbed, they shoulda won a grammy And even though we losing focus This one's for the children, you don't like it you can blow us Sitting in the corner for the salty language See the teacher? He just jealous cause he knows I'm famous Infiltrated every modern form of media They tried to kill it but I got a wikipedia Cut my cameo from Hero Academia Cause it only took a chapter to defeat em all I love you very much it ain't a joke And if you loved me you would hit me with a diet coke Deja vu Feel i been here a time or two Hold the block or run the avenue Get to feeling like i'm bulletproof Exit game or continue Think you know what I am gonna do Until the day I go and bid adieu Just know that I am so thankful Baby how bout you You gotta work it and work it and work and never stop And then you work again afterhours to make it hot Show your work how ya solved it and it would mean a lot Work again till your stomach turning into knots Work some more until your coworkers are taking shots Work until your vision blurry and your seeing dots Till your naked on the ceiling and they call the cops Till your blinded and ya fall in love with russian bots Till they get the camera and you try to floss Kiss the waiter on the mouth and suckerpunch your boss And at that point stop working Cause you've worked too much Deja vu Feel i been here a time or two Hold the block or run the avenue Get to feeling like i'm bulletproof Exit game or continue Think you know what I am gonna do Until the day I go and bid adieu Just know that I am so thankful Baby how bout you
2.
I'm a noob, it's true But so is each and every one of you, in this group but I'm working for you Set you up with some loot and everything that you might wanna do, in this tomb i just hope that i dont kill ya I just want you to have fun Roll call! Who's the team gonna roll those D Half elf druid just turned 18 Dragonborn Bard with no AC Gonna have to help em with an NPC Gonna have to train em to move safely Gonna have to hook them hard and move them fast if we ever wanna change the scene That's on me, DM Beef Dungeon Master to my shock Hit perception, hear that knock Do a little work? dude I punch the clock And whatnot, know I got battle maps and some Vis-a-vis looking up stats for the enemies and keeping track of your HP I was gonna have yall explore, the lost mine of phandelver But I could tell you wanted more, and were down for whatever and so I crafted up my own lore, a customized adventure but ask me what's the name of that dwarf?, I simply can't remember So I'm not great with names and with numbers I might be worser And I might do a voice or two, but you shouldn't expect matt mercer Click on the cursors to finding some treasures to give to the members who reach level 2 rules may be shitty but Beefy take pity, Yo you having fun is what I want to do I'm a noob, it's true But so is each and every one of you, in this group but I'm working for you Set you up with some loot and everything that you might wanna do, in this tomb i just hope that i dont kill ya I just want you to have fun As you make your way through the swamp you come across an otherwise abandoned town You see a light from a shack all the way in the back and you hear a kind of Kobald sound Say that you wanna sneak, take a look at your sheet, make a roll to see if you gon live It says 23? They all think you're a tree, It's time to roll initiative got Necromancers bringing demons from the darkest hells Don't forget to mark your slots though, not my job to track all your spells dip and dive and try and strive to defend against a unarmed strike players new and old all know sometimes you gotta blame the dice Sorry in this setting you can't shift into a dinosaur Save a disaster, talk to your caster about fireball Everything the bard says doesn't have to be a metaphor Your skills combining it got ya shining brighter than a Megazord Best adventurers in this kingdom Roll die, decide on your victim Starting now the futures unwritten Tell tiamat to come get some Take heed of all that I say All winners playing this game No doubt could do this all day Come on over baby let's play
3.
You looking sus, you ain't trustworthy like us follow him see what he does fill up the bus, make a rush punch in the code til you feeling a buzz buddies a must, who can I trust hoping to split up my guts mysterious often hilarious but i'm ready to bust who is the one among us? i was with black and with pink i uploaded data right down there in storage that's when I saw blue and the next thing I knew I saw purple's dead body by orange now i'm not the one to point fingers and might be at risk stepping on toes I did all my tasks, I'm just spitting these facts and the enemy red, that's a bit on the nose but what do we know about brown? what do we know about white? What do we know about any of yall? hell naw. Green you've been quiet tonight So what do you think we should do? Obviously I'm all legit in the crew, true But most of yall failing this interview, honestly it could be every last one of you try not to get too emotional, personally it hurts me that you're even skeptical earlier i was in medical, not my fault that i had tasks in electrical keyboard your banging your over here saying you can't even upload data from storage? I still think it was orange You looking sus, you ain't trustworthy like us follow him see what he does fill up the bus, make a rush punch in the code til you feeling a buzz buddies a must, who can I trust hoping to split up my guts mysterious often hilarious but i'm ready to bust who is the one among us? I swear on my mom and on god and on christ that i've never told lies in life and if you go in with this tripe then our friendship is riding the edge of a knife boy we getting in it tonight, you making up stories yo isn't it right blood is boiling I'm ready to fight and I no longer bothering with being polite I was in Nav stabilizing our course, was in there with cyan i'm sure she'll endorse took me forever unlocking these doors, I was too busy working to notice the corpse That doesn't sound shady to me, I was stuck up in Admin just looking at screens Showcasing my filter cleaning techniques, Recycling leaves and I've got the receipts tell me what happened to honor? airlocking me like you're some kind of monster you need to be seeing a doctor it's clear now to me that you're off of your rocker if we doing this let's do it proper if im a goner you'll make me a martyr I'm gonna be haunting your roster. Beefy was not the imposter You looking sus, you ain't trustworthy like us follow him see what he does fill up the bus, make a rush punch in the code til you feeling a buzz buddies a must, who can I trust hoping to split up my guts mysterious often hilarious but i'm ready to bust who is the one among us?
4.
[Beefy] The following contest is scheduled for one fall Introducing first a man who's done and seen and said it all I get so lonely as the greatest main everter yall have seen Prayed on it and feel like it's time I form myself a tag team Mad scene, to break into the mainstream I need a bushwacking brother that'll lick the face of mene gene That's why I called yall, to this boarded up dance hall Why should you be in my corner when we face our next brawl? [MC Frontalot] I’m Feeble Jacobus, fans call me Weak Jake You’ve seen me win a title but that was a deepfake I keep as a keepsake the belt that I spray painted I’m a little inauthentic but that’s the refrain, ain’t it my signature move, The Inflated Rep, should be embarrassing That’s how I keep you looking good in comparison [Beefy] Well my friend, I reviewed the footage and the documents Let’s try to get somebody in here who has real accomplishments [Glenn Case] Well Beef/Case sounds like briefcase , I think I'd Make a briefcase out of meat, and bring it ringside First I'd betray you, but then I'd save you Before too long we'd be the main event on pay-per-view [Beefy] Gotta say I appreciate the long term booking it's important that we always have a storyline a-cooking But also you admitted that you're coming out for my head So with due respect I think we're gonna find out who is next [Doctor Popular] Knock knock Who’s there? Doc Pop, but who cares? I get winded when I go up the stairs Pulling out my hair with my mask and I ask What was the question again? I get confused. Who are you? [Beefy] I'm the Beefy T striving hard for a victory And speaking honestly I don't think you're the one for me Though I love you choke out people with a yo-yo The fact that you're more out of shape than me is just a no go [YTCracker] they call me mailer swift still spamming all these ringside hits i bang these bits into the buckle with my fingertips my peoples elbow waving hello aint no carpal tunnel im still that dude to get you circling down my clickthrough funnel i tear my shirt off its a nerd off in the center stage my royal rumble never humble check that wiki page keep it 100 aint no kayfabe in the way i live im still that hacker hacking kicking flows up out my crib [Beefy during amazing Ailsean guitars] *GASP!* oh my god could it be? it is! the one that the prophecy foretold to lead us to championship gold oh wait I’ve just been handed a report oh no Stiff upper lip well YT baby love to have you on board We’d get the title belts and t-shirts saying spamtec is lord there's nobody i'd rather on side in a slugfest unfortunately, there's no way you're passing the drug test [Mikal kHill] I don’t give a fuck don’t pick me, orange cassidy Legend like danny havoc, lightbulb swinging dastardly No hulkamaniac, seeking a deathmatch feel Both boots on your nuts and then it urn heel [Beefy] while you enjoy picking tacts out of your sausages i'm trying to sell my merch to children in the audience Hope we're not competing at the same time and day Lemme hear from someone who's not so TV-MA [Lil Jordo] stand back beefy, 'cause i'm 'bout to exhale nasty pass me that sephora organic so I can wrap these clapties, i'm a national panic but you can't catch me actually, they just gonna catch hands if they attack me crafty when i hit 'em with the sub-ohm smash or wrap my knee around their neck that's called the asthma attack 'cause when you tag me in you know i will enforce ohm's law and they'll be crushed beneath my heel the one and only victor teslacog [Beefy] Hey Victor make no mistake, my friend we all get that you vape But you should know you cannot get a flavored juice in my state My time has been all a waste I think I would rather turn face I'll just roll solo cause teaming up with yall would be a dis- Actually, Tanner, do you want to be my tag team partner? [tanner4105] Hmmm… Ok [Beefy] Yeah? Dope!
5.
So Amazing 03:04
it's all the rage, this chrome tip plating Re-fabricate, i'm still upgrading Contaminate they will not phase me end of the day, im so amazing I swear to god I'm here for super shiny metal Try so hard to battle urges like I'm fightin with the devil They say that I'm a gadget nerd but this is on another level Rather plug into my heart instead of write it with a pencil Techno-logic sales prevail throughout my internet but technically I fail to mail out all my ill intent Presently I scale wholesale at about 10 percent Basically they wail big fail but haven't yet But what if I did? Didn't stay motivated love to be overrated maybe ya slept on the kid, saying that maybe ya did blame it on being hated, baby I'm calculated, don't forget I am the cybernetic elite I'm too excited to sleep, I paid a sizable fee Slyly living the dream, my second name is extreme sing when I'm on the scene, until I'm taking a knee it's all the rage, this chrome tip plating Re-fabricate, i'm still upgrading Contaminate they will not phase me end of the day, im so amazing Engines calibrated about 28V Combustibles be raging at a thousand degrees The competition shaking asking "how many Gs?" Unplug me from the wall and freakin hand me the keys Seen enough, put the fuel and soda both in a cup Give regards to my employers peeling out in a truck the rules is disregarded so I'm showing em up it's like I'm loaded up with lawyers and I'm coming for Trump But I think we always knew it would come to this Blame me if ya want to but I like to be an optimist Imagine being free of all machines but just the opposite Doctors they be profiting from money I'm depositing the marketing for microchips is nothing to be sneezing at Humanity is torn away but I'm just not believing that Honestly I born to be as sturdy as a Cadillac Orderly there's more to be, but show me where them wires at it's all the rage, this chrome tip plating Re-fabricate, i'm still upgrading Contaminate they will not phase me end of the day, im so amazing
6.
1-A 03:26
shining hero: can't stop twinkling beam of hope in the darkness, spike the cam, no blinking and if he wanna get silly he turn around and Pinky These fashionistas is filthy, the hottest fits in the building then there's the member of the crew who knows the right thing to do she's killer with the kero friends are calling her Tsu On your mark set, bet that it's all jet, this quick step No sweat you'd better respect the class rep And if you hassle Uravity, say a prayer for humanity Coming after em savagely, manga daughter lives happily There's a kid with a tail and I'm not sure how he got here Hoping that there's more to him, but yo, so far that's just not clear know my homie Kaminari known for shooting sparks but if he's calling down the thunder than he'll lose his smarts the redhead's gonna riot. test what's capable When your spirit and your body are both so unbreakable and you know you should be wary when they rarely speak cuz you're gonna hear em when they're calling in a wildebeest I think that Sato won the lotto for his local dentist reality his enemy's gonna be diabeetus pop quiz cool kids showbiz don't miss high stakes save day good grades same thing flying high above the city see me one day class of champions, representing 1A When it comes to Shoji know he'll always be my homie like he ate a weirder version of the hana hana no mi And Jiro I can relate to in a big way, plug & play prolly in a coma when she listens to this mixtape I respect that Sero really wants to be a hero After school he's probably working hours at the office depot and jet black as the night, don't bite what you can't swallow The darkness always following, come to me DARK SHADOW And Shoto known to have more baggage here than a bellhop ice cold, but all the girlies know that he's so hot 16 bubbly, positivitying like non-stop even though she's gotta battle crime with all her clothes off And Bakago he be the baddie with a heart of gold except the gold it had to go because it won't explode And young Midoriya exactly like me the overanalyzing hella dorky super MC rather elite, powerful and quick on his feet and we ain't covering Mineta cause that's not what we need and bringing the heat, that's Momo planning out your defeat victory a fantasy, your only chance is to cheat, sheesh pop quiz cool kids showbiz don't miss high stakes save day good grades same thing flying high above the city see me one day class of champions, representing 1A
7.
He works for the minimum, feeling numb Doing odd jobs till the paper comes Always sure thing in the Autumn sun Swing into the spot like a pendulum Grab the application and he fills it out Even though that's what his resume is all about They don't call any of his freakin references If they are they ain't leaving any messages Then he shows up filling out more words and numbers on these forms Then an orientation about how to complete his chores And just like that now he's back on tap, he'll have beer money in about two weeks Gotta just sit back, and then fill these racks, until everybody hits them streets Happy Halloween He's teachable Doing good work well it's feasible But they pretend that every items squeezable Ain't sitting here trying to be unreasonable It's seasonal, demeanable Spirit over here but it's regional Only took three weeks of servicing the customer before our hero feeling fuckin miserable October 1st, they all showing up like freaks Little kids and idiots and big titty goth ladies And every size that's in between Everybody that feels so unique And every time a new one rolls in gotta hear that sensor scream Where's your spirit Let me see it Raise your streamers to the ceiling Witches is our business and our business here is screaming Where's your spirit Let me see it Share it with the ones that need it Give a spooky greeting to each and everybody who visits Where's your spirit let me see it Make yourself and me believe it Rake us up a profit or we'll leave ya out and leave ya fridged Where's your spirit let me see it where's your spirit let me see it where's your spirit show me your spirit What they want is inhumane, goddamn insane Don't they know people aren't really made that way Never naturally, they custom made Imprint inlaid from a factory Baby not today, is what he tried to say Till a feeling came, like a growing pain Cause he feels contained by his need for pay every member of his team feels the exact same way But now he's standing up, he's had enough Every shift it sucks, and the lack of funds So he's feeling pumped like he's got the guts He doesn't have much but his word and nuts And massive debt, and of course the rent Always overspent and they will collect Cause they won't forget when he cash that check mate come correct, try this instead Tell me, do you have any plans for your career? If we expanded could you see yourself with us in 5 years? Specializing in fall fears is just one of our main tiers And if you wanted to stay here, we'll make you king of the cashiers Feels like he crashed down, blacked out 3 percent boost in the bank account Feels tossed about, when he came around He was finding out he was selling out Oh lordy me, how could this be? He's a larger cog in a vast machine And he's losing steam and he dares to dream That everything could go differently But he still got a job on November 1 And many more months after that to come Got that god mode OP golden gun big boy bank having all the fun Said they're ready for their second phase Shaking up the furniture and rearrange They're really gonna try to lift up that face Well sign him up boys if that's the case He could use a fire where there once was soul He could fill the emptiness with piano He can get down with these wreaths and snow He's been known to party with mistletoe? Speakers playing something religious They said that they're shifting the business October's for Halloween but after that I think that every month that we’re gonna do christmas!
8.
first we gotta go shopping and then we're dogsitting for your mother then you have an eye doctor appt and don't forget it's game night I don't wanna do shit I'm about to lose it ain't about the bullshit hanging like a loose fit never been the cool kid never said it, who did? hoping to get booted woke and feelin lucid leaving is a nuisance who would wanna do this? very worst of humans kinda like the rudest frankly they the crudest easily the lewdest point me where the food is i'm chiller than buddhist But a dates been set and the time goes on and it won't back down And I dream of the days where I played all those games and I cry that I want that now And those days they few and so far in between and it don't go slow But don't shed tear baby please don't cry cause it was only like a week ago hear me though.. I don't wanna go out i'm cranky lady I'll pout for people i'm in no mood unless there's gonna be food but we can just order in catching up with our Friends the bluray set just came in We could watch it in bed i don't wanna do stock count I don't wanna pull weeds out empty out no trash can find the broom and that dust pan we'll talk about it on tuesday developing a new smoothie with chocolate sauce and some muesli resses pieces and dulce catching up with the new day viewing toons that be looney won't forget to pay Lupe but then forget to pay Lupe you're having parties at the crib i dont wanna go wanna show me how to live, sorry i don't wanna go say that you're paying for the flight, still i don't wanna go everythings on you tonight? cool i don't wanna go Not that I don't love ya but just the way it go I wanna eat a bowl of Chex wear no pants and watch a show maybe surf some sketchy sites baby you don't wanna know it's just way better in my home private time's as good as gold And not even just IRL Group chat? you can go to hell Don't wanna be in your clan I lied I said I had plans When really I was just lurking on how-to vids about twerking a docu-series on murders of all the dates I deserted Graduations and weddings and probably more I'm forgetting Was in my PJs and ready to become one with the bedding This ain't for pity, I'm glad of all the smiles I've had your Out getting drinks with the lads but I was out at my Dad's Except I'm not at my dads Another lie don't get mad Whole time I've been at my pad Watching shows getting fat How'd you fall for my ruse I've made you all look like fools You thought I went and had fun you must feel so damn dumb you're having parties at the crib i dont wanna go wanna show me how to live, sorry i don't wanna go say that you're paying for the flight, still i don't wanna go everythings on you tonight? cool i don't wanna go Not that I don't love ya but just the way it go I wanna eat a bowl of Chex wear no pants and watch a show maybe surf some sketchy sites baby you don't wanna know it's just way better in my home private time's as good as gold I get it. It's not healthy We at Marty McFly levels heavy Like dragging from a board off a Chevy Better not be crashing into shit so help me Stressed out you can bet, but I take that step Efforting to paint the whole town red Gotta get out of bed and we must get dressed Never know, it could be the day you wake up dead so make the best out of day take those kids go out and play go picnic out by the lake Your wife'll love it, ok? Is it so hard to do? thinking bout others and not just you? you ain't gotta dress like your destitute lotta people probably think you're beautiful how true i didn't realize that I was denying you my glorious presence and confidence Gregariousness and dominance However, go-getter self-care is still a prominent matter put all these plans and my chill in a blender In the hopes the results can make me feel better Order up I'll take grande hour long i go broadway But forgive me this delay Beating Tropico is importante you're having parties at the crib i dont wanna go wanna show me how to live, sorry i don't wanna go say that you're paying for the flight, still i don't wanna go everythings on you tonight? cool i don't wanna go Not that I don't love ya but just the way it go I wanna eat a bowl of Chex wear no pants and watch a show maybe surf some sketchy sites baby you don't wanna know it's just way better in my home private time's as good as gold
9.
IcyHot 04:04
hero in the making, and ill show you what i got i'm todoroki but they call me icyhot i'll shock the world, with all the power i unlock ill make sure that this party never ever stop I was literally built for this I am an active volcano on everest seething before i could make salutations they all hate because i came on in on those recommendations i'm tired of waiting, don't have the patience i've been debating if they were mistaken getting frustrated, i feel like that even my face has been tainted i'm jaded ice cold at a boiling point growing up knowing I disappoint think I'm OP, they miss the point Dad's the best? Well I won't anoint Never because of the things that he did to me Not to mention what he did to my family drove my poor mother to take it all out on me seriously look at my face all i see a monstrosity these burns and these scars they're reminding me constantly of all the things that you've done they may call you new number one but you don't get to call your son now i'm on the run So I will rely on my right I'm as stubborn as you and i'll do it for spite If I'm cold to the bone you know I won't ignite it's a one sided fight you don't get to be right this midoriya kid's always bringing the hype saying i should be best and to give up my pride saying do what we can to be just like all might and he's willing to die just to help me decide hero in the making, and ill show you what i got i'm todoroki but they call me icyhot i'll shock the world, with all the power i unlock ill make sure that this party never ever stop So now I'm racing out of my shell now my fire blazing like hell ain't no phasing me I won't sell got bakago he raging oh well but I got distracted now he's going rabid Don't make it a habit to get so dramatic I'm happy he lasted no overreacting we put on a classic but this ain't festivities flying through allies to take out these enemies but now these enemies garner your sympathies stop all the fantasies, they causing tragedies I am the hand crusher, I'm cursed only one of the best cause I put in that work and maybe Endevor's the ultimate jerk but I'm going to milk the hell out of his quirk till I'm in the dirt, I got your back slip me a text and I'll find where you're at don't expect me to be the first one with a laugh but remedial me man how funny is that Inasa's a pussycat, but what he staring at both failed tests all because of this maniac flying through breezes like he was an acrobat his hatred for me gonna give us a handicap but back then I acted so cold and I gotta respect him for being so bold never gives up, knows when to do what he's told I acted like dad and that really hit home that's when it all hit like the weather not all about power, we gotta do better with me and my friends in my class at the center We're going plus ultra, we'll do it together
10.
Shakedown 03:30
I'm more than happy to be doing just fine Content in going slow and taking my time But he on his way now Gotta run away now baby it's a shakedown Show me what you got. if it's enough then I will let you be Refuse to let you go down as the laziest in history Gotta be the most confident ones within this industry Even when your argument is that nobody's ever heard of me Bite your tongue cause they love me They love to shower me with they money We all popping some of that bubbly Attractive boys and girls think I'm yummy But you need to give what they wanting If they leave you're gonna feel rotten they forget you it'll be haunting so you always need to be plotting but this won't work unless all in it to win it unless you're gonna raise the future like the illest descendant strike now while it's hot or else you'd better forget it if they won't claim the top well then you might as well get it I'm on that pinnacle playing switch from my pedestal but you dragging me down like a tentacle you beef but act like vegetable that attitude is terrible refuse to ever be invisible best believe that im unforgettable ya need to be a little more dependable It's alright. it's ok. I can be understanding But I can't tolerate this nothingness that you've been planning I'll do it later, how about I'll do it now? I could devastate your life and never have to tell you how But I don't wanna go down that road again make it easy maybe we can skip the suffering haters right outside and they'll bustling they be knocking baby we don't gotta let em in take the rescue that I'm offering if you get it all together we be profiting corners of the map that we'd be covering but ignore me every day man it's puzzling dude you created me first so I'm gonna make you work brother know that it could be worse I won't let you go in reverse Think of all the things that we did All the followers that you get European joints that we hit I'll remind you till we're both dead Which will creep up sooner than we hope it would So go out with a bang instead of fearing your misunderstood Chronicle your life but embellish it to make it good Make it weird enough they'll tell our story out in Hollywood

about

Beefy and tanner4105 once again join forces for dope jams and romantic glances. Part brand new hotness, part collection of our 1337 G33K B33F entries for the VPC; if there's one thing this mixtape has it's fast raps and awesome beats. I'm sorry. That was two things. Thank you for checking it out and for all of your support. Go Beyond. PLUS ULTRA!

Beefyness.com
youtube.com/beefy
tanner4105.com
youtube.com/tanner4105

credits

released October 27, 2020

Lyrics and Vocals by Beefy
Production, Mixing, Mastering by tanner4105

Cover art by Joe Dunn
ilovecrappymovies.com

Additional Guitars by Ailsean
ailsean.net // patreon.com/thegrammarclub


Thank you to my potential tag team partners:
MC Frontalot - mcfrontalot.com
Glenn Case - www.patreon.com/glenncase
Doctor Popular - docpop.org
YTCracker - ytcracker.com
Mikal kHill - mikalkhill.com
and Lil' Jordo - liljordo.com

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Beefy Kennewick, Washington

Beefy is a grizzled young vet of nerdcore hip-hop, having been providing thrust inducing jams since 2005. Based near a decommissioned nuclear production complex in the Pacific Northwest, Beefy’s meta-powers took shape in the form of dope rhymes, fun flows, and he can glow in the dark. Beef is also a founding member of the nerd music super group The Grammar Club. ... more

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