I'm a fan of True Blood. It is easily the biggest guilty pleasure show I watch, but I care not. I eagerly await each and every episode. This is my ode to the Southern Vampire Mysteries.


Ageless like I like it, remember back in the day
They always get a little older, but I stay the same age
And I make the same plays, spend my days in a coffin
We need to get another sheriff cause this dude isn't rocking
But I just, met a lady who just took away a breath
Maybe she wasn't the first, but I bet that she's the best
Don't wanna tell ya how I know it but I know that she's a virgin
In no time we went from flirting to some sex that's way disturbing
They call her fang banger, it don't bother me none
I think they jealous cause these bitches loving giving me some
And her brother is dumb, but he got notches in his belt
Everybody can't be lucky, gotta play the cards your dealt
And I got dealt from the bottom, watched my brothers expire
1860s, they were shitty, not a thing to admire
So when you tell me that you think that they're the glorious dead
Makes me think that you're so lucky cause I already fed

My life can't be the same
I don't remember my name
Need blood and I don't feel shame
Can't die cause God hates fangs

I messed around centerfolds and beauty exotic
If it's the middle of the night, you got vagina, I'll rock it
And if you tap me like a keg, I'll make the world come alive
I don't hate ya, you're in nature, and you're feeling sublime
But at the same time, your evils will be met
By a dude who is so hungry that you're likely to get bit
Don't mean no disrespect, but you didn't think it through
I'm a million years old dick, whatchu gonna do?
I got friends my size and they're ready to ride
Just like Frank White they were ready to die
I just wanna drink, I'm not here for a fight
Change my plans if ya really feel like dying tonight
I don't turn into a bat, I don't sparkle in the sunshine
Power of persuasion, I know I could make your girl mine
Glamor, it's a power I don't keep to myself
Got the co-ed, got the cougar, and I got me the MILF

Yo once you go vamp, you don't ever go back
Life is a commerical before fading to black
And if you're lucky just to know me I could make you one of us
I'm a maker, first I drain ya, then we're rising from the dust
Shapeshifters and demons all live in the South
Reminder who is running shit? Look at my mouth
Ware-things and witches get a little more spooky
Got like 5 grown men all fighting over some Sookie
Got a message gotta tell ya it's a little bit blunt
Bella's just a bitch, and Buffy's kind of a slut
If ya wanna press your luck, try to mess with what's mine
Got a life's worth of torture if you're crossing the line
I got nothing else to live for, I'm already gone
You keep your little minions, but you give me the blond
Bringing it on, war is on the doorstep bitch
Bribe me? it's embarrassing, I'm old money rich, dick


from The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Vampire Hunter, released October 29, 2011
beat by Beefy. Shael Riley spruced it up



all rights reserved


Beefy Kennewick, Washington

Hailing from the Northwest, Beefy is a massive presence in the nerdcore hip-hop scene. Since 2005, Beefy has been pushing his positive, pop culture influenced message worldwide, beginning with his debut The Whitesican EP. Never afraid to make references to X-Men comic books or video game vixens, Beefy has also found a way to create his own style backed by pop, rock, and hard powered rap production ... more

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