Rolling Doubles

by Beefy

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1.
My I have a minute of your time/I’ll give ya seconds of this rhyme/And let ya know that it’s safe to come out/So lemme hear ya scream olly olly oxen free/Now your screaming Yo Beefy what ya got for me?/I got artillery and laser guided missiles at the face/At drama starters who get the alt-f4 and they get erased/Yo I’m happy in this place so when you’re givin me my space/I hope ya handle it with grace or else your out without a trace/So talk about me in your music, on the net, and with your friends/Because this album here transcends what Amazon spam recommends/I get high like Storm, I get deep like the Morlocks/These beats, I know, they make your toes pop/Can I get a what what? Probably not./Wrong subgenre? That’s what I thought./BUT I, enjoy to write, AND I, keep hope alive/SO I’M, just hoping that you got this in your harddrive/This is a twenty sided rhyme, twenty sided rhyme, word/Catch me on the stage, sweating, flippin you the bird/In a venue I forget the name of, but please don’t fear/You kids can play your fucking games this year. And holla olly olly oxen free
2.
You Can Call Me Beef (free) 03:00
Get your headphones, you’re in for a treat Loop it all night. Ya got this track on repeat From the northwest, but I’m bring the heat You can call me Beef Tbyte hits you all with the spirit Beefy hits the rest with the lyrics Wrapped around nothing specific I’m not great dude, I’m terrific Yo I’ve been here before In the 509 I’m causing war In the 206 I hit the blitz Like Lofa Tatupu was in the mix Straight nerdcore rap machine Running shit like Commander Keen Call me up if your eighteen Yo I’m only mean without caffeine So when I get my fix I’ll send yall to the river styx Tell Charon I said hi Ladies, Beefy’s in short supply So get him while you can Boyfriend? Baby leave that man Shouldn’t be a hard decision You’re the Witch and I’m the Vision Now we can figure out All the silly things we’ll joke about I’ve got skill and I’ve got power And badass like MC Router Beefy’s got a killer flow Tell me something I don’t know Router’s known to pop the glock While Beefy’s playing Bioshock Welcome to the circus of value and I can tell you right now That if I got me my plasmids I’ll take you out with a BLAOOOW! Beefy makes your brain explode Unbeatable like Battletoads Empty out that Tattoo bottle Then adventure like Full Throttle Sour like lemonade Just need two coins for the arcade Then spend all day on MvC The sequel, homeslice, naturally I don’t know what I found But I know I hold it down Nerdcore might be what ya call it Can’t get enough like an alcoholic I hear them cry and plea I can’t stop singing Play With Me And Table Top’s stuck in my head We love Beefy from A to Zed What can I say With just one hook I’ll make your day Just one verse I can make your year Like Killface I’ll destroy your ear Not with teeth just with my sound My magic here is world renowned And with every site I visit I make each domain so exquisite Other rappers whisper curses But still begging me for verses All powerful like Zeus Like Zander Crews dude I yell Boosh Ladies like feel on my wuubs And giggle while we’re watching Scrubs I’m a spaz just like JD And narcotic too like Dr. Reed
3.
Tilt 02:53
Happened last year when I met you down at Ground Kontrol Fatty climbed the stairs with ten dollars wrapped up in a roll Harmless flirting, dropped my coins all up in your receptacle One year later got me more retarded than a vegetable From the first time that I pulled back the plunger and you know I let it go I knew that I had lost it and I knew that you had gained control In the beginning I could see you on and off for a week Now if I don’t hit a bumper than I can’t fall asleep Kept telling all my friends that I could stop when I wanted Addictive personality yo I’ve been trainspotted Should have stopped coming back when you went from a hobby to a lifestyle I got pictures of me playing you up on my profile AIM handle PinballFanatic81 I’ve played this game for one year and you know I’ve never won I know the way you’re wired, every way in which your built But some how you got my lights flashing, screaming out TILT! First time I placed my hands upon you know I broke into a cold sweat Not knowing in the future that it’d be something I’d regret From taking cold showers, to hating you for hours I love you and if I died you wouldn’t even send me flowers And obviously I’m not the only man in your life Three more entries in your top score after I had left last night And it’s pointless even starting one real fight with you Cause you’re a robot and you’re heartless and you don’t even care You’re not aware, of this giant cross that I have to bare They see me weeping so the other customers point and they stare It isn’t fair, I think you like to see me demented You’re like the single coldest pallor game like ever invented And I wanna shred it, rip you up and tear you to pieces Bust ya wide open just to see what releases I know the way you’re wired, every way in which your built But some how you got my lights flashing, screaming out TILT! And ya tilt, tilt, tilt me outta my mind You’re stressing me out when I just need to unwind And ya tilt, tilt, tilt me outta my soul Driving around Portland with nowhere to go And I can’t figure out a way in which to end this Cause if this machine had a voice she could finish this sentence Played her wearing dress shoes and flip flops For the very longest time I’ve depended on the DMD and back box And she send me love in the form of multiball action Not an everyday distraction, I just love it with a passion Lay in bed at night and I dream about the flipper You can check out all the pics that I’ve posted on Flickr Because she’s always there for me at the end of a long day And I’m the only one I know that’s ever gotten 80 free plays Hitting these bumpers and matching the numbers Just circuits in this cabinet but you all know that I love her These sounds they drive me crazy, come and save me I’m a baby But she never comes to slay me just because she thinks I’m lazy I know the way you’re wired, every way in which your built Loving every flash of light while I’m screaming out TILT!
4.
Table Top (free) 02:53
Saturday night I’m bringing skills here at the table top So much better at Monopoly than at nerdcore hip-hop I won at Tongiaki, Uno, and Settlers of Catan Hand me a twenty sided die and I’ll show you who is the man Back up with a soda pop Rolling doubles all night and I’m feeling hot See that I’m getting outta jail free Hitting duce 5s yo that’s my free parking Feeling pretty dopehat know I’m winning all these games tonight Collect 20 bucks from everybody who’s feeling good alright Clean up the board and money while my buddy lifts the GM Screen I got my D, my handbook, and my trusty character sheet My warrior is known to do 8 plus 1 with his fists Turning orcs into clouds of blood wishing they didn’t exist I receive all my XP then we proceed to some games of Munchkin Think I’m getting all the good treasure? That’s a great assumption Back down with the power glove For once we’re gonna show this table love Turn the TV off and grab some dice This is how we roll mo-fo on nerd night Nobody’s trading with Beefy when we play SOC I tell em that I’ve got wood for sheep, they just make faces at me We play some Ninja Burger my card says I do a backflip 3am but I don’t care my friend yo it’s time for conflict Never been a fan of Scrabble Words or birds or psychobabble Thanks to the net I can beat friends in Portland and Seattle We need three days for some RISK Trapped in Ukraine I slash wrists But I sit back I don’t get pissed I’ll win cause I’m an optimist Game of Life? Don’t waste my time I’d rather go back home and rhyme I came here for games and friends I wipe the smudge up off my lens Then I stand up on my seat Dispense this knowledge I decree That nerd night is the greatest thing to happen to all of our lives
5.
I’d like to be with you, it’s like the only thing I think about But nerds like me we don’t get ladies yeah we always go without I was playing Smash Brothers when it was prom night The last girl I saw was Chinese, she beat me in a street fight I know I seem standoffish, it appears like I don’t like ya When all I really wanna do is just Excite ya like a Biker(a) Wish this was an RPG, I’d change the way I am You’re a perfect 10 and I know exactly where I stand Spending hours on a Gamecube, rather be with you If I’m Weapon X, rejection is my Sabertooth Basically to me you are a wish still unfulfilled I’m fragile like a tiny Mario against a Bullet Bill So I really must refrain, causing hearing No would cause me pain And to hear me stammer stutter must be driving you insane Beautiful, intelligent, the woman that I dream about Scared that if I told ya you would grab my heart and rip it out Met you at a lan party in my buddy’s garage Yo I was feeling quite large, the opposite of in charge Social butterfly until a pretty stranger walks by Asking me if you needed a CD-Key for Farcry I started making noises like [stuttering] Ya giggled, winked, and waved, and said what’s up it’s nice to meet ya Frankly to be honest you seemed rather out of place Pretty much the hottest girly that will go up on my MySpace Looking back I probably should have asked you out right on the spot But I was regulating heavily on Quake and couldn’t stop Well at least that’s my excuse Rather produce a noose and get loose off this boozed up juice Than deal with another lady telling me that I’m not good enough If love is just a battlefield I’m happy never suitin’ up But I can’t resist Plotting and pondering with those lips, all the ways you kiss I think I’m starting to get a better lay of the land You seem to date a lot of assholes, I can be a better man so I gotta be true, I see me being with you To get your hand in my hand what does Beefy gotta do? Seem to see your face like all of the time Just like Tyler Durden can’t get you out of my mind So I…some how some way Gotta believe that you think of me the very same way And if that’s true how ’bout me and you hook up on a rendezvous And I can take you for a ride just like Marvel vs. Capcom 2 Might leave me broken like a crack in a disk But I’m awesome and you’re worth it so I’m taking that risk So come over to my spot so maybe we can play games Ya make me feel like Johnny Storm, like I could burst into flames I’d give ya foot and back rubs every night before you sleep So just keep that in mind every time you’re thinking of Beef Game On!
6.
Ball Pit 02:28
It’s my birthday, friends all here To celebrate my big eight year Only sitting down because we must We eat the pizza but not the crust We’re set free, we cause commotion Converting dollars into tokens We know the prizes aren’t top shelf I give a high five to Chuck himself See me dive head first in the ball pit Against some rules, but I’ll above it Get more tickets, get more tokens 13 kids, no sad emotions This the greatest day I’ve had Don’t like the Cheese? Well that’s too bad Kids being kids, be it boy or girl Greatest place in the whole wide world In the ball pit, fun won’t let up I hope that I never grow up I wanna be here for the rest of my days Arcades to be played, just so many games Playing TMNT for two hours I’ve got skeeball super powers Mr. Munch always missing one hand But he rocks out with that robot band This new games tough but ya know I got skills Love this place they got free refills Mom if you give me one more dollar I’ll get tickets to buy you flowers And have enough left for a brand new toy Don’t take me home, don’t end my joy Can’t you see this brings me cheer? Can’t you see that I love it here? I’d gladly live here for all my life Spending all my time… In the ball pit, fun won’t let up I hope that I never grow up I see you smile Seeing me here I wanna be happy baby Like I was that year In the ball pit, feeling happy Just laughing with my friends In the ball pit, no worries I hope this never ends
7.
D-i-s-c-o-n-n-e-c-t Baby can’t you see Without the net yo this mc Just might go on a killing spree Woooo! I lost the Internet Woooo! I hate the disconnect Morning yornin’, wake on up Cause I know my inbox all filled up Grip the mouse, turn on the screen 404 windows looking back at me Now hmmmm what could this be? Status: Connected on LAC But MySpace refuses to load I pray that it’s just being s-s-slow Hit the garage, reset the router Call it a rooter for short time laughter Then back to my seat I sit So I can download brand new beats and shit But no, seems that my life is cursed And I only have an hour before I have to work Gotta check out Hipster, Please goddamnit Coke can, find it, grab it, slam it Wikipedia entries to edit And read blogs of peeps that are way more pathetic But I’m stuck in the stone age now Mesozoic area, T-Rexs abound Without those tubes I’m clearly a wimp Just wanna read comics on Digital Pimp But the gods of the net are being a bitch I’m throwing a fit, I refuse to submit dude What would ytcracker do? So I take off my pants, take pics in the nude But how am I gonna post em up in the thread No Internet? I’d rather be dead Can’t log onto Skype. Can’t log on to AIM And did I win my last fantasy football game? Never been a fan of the disconnect Charter Cable hates me, I get no respect! Without the net I’m just some dude With a condom and spermicidal lube IRL i’m nobody Basically my fame is a fantasy Can’t leave the house, end up in a street fight Just cause I’m all about the nerd life (word life) Firefox is just where I belong Without these the tubes I couldn’t write this song So Heeeeey! Up for war driving? Where I’m crying someone’s thriving Sadly TC is full of hicks And the people at the wifi spots are dicks So my fat ass stays at the casa And sadly moan my fallen master And smoke another cigarette And ask why I’m not famous yet [interlude] Off the point but I digress But I’m still a big fan of some exposed breasts I don’t own porn in a physical form And there’s not much else to do when Beef is bored Drop to my knees and I ask for some guidance What can I do when the net is silenced? Hardly a prophet, saw no vision So I just lumbered on down to the kitchen Watched Entourage and quoted Ari Then spent good time with Katamari Called friends who I knew partake Then I got playstation, and we got baked Napped after we played some slayer And woke up several hours later To my surprise and shock I found That this piece of shit Internet’s still down!
8.
I don't seem to have lyrics for this one. I am sorry.
9.
Clueless 01:08
Hi how are ya doing, I’m right here spitting intellect That Ed Reed style idiots couldn’t possibly hope to intercept Busting myths like Adam Savage, I take advantage Of the clueless media that think my people really couldn’t manage To change the minds and open up of the blind eyes Of the mainstream cats who mock me rapping bout the twenty sides They be my favorite weapon, my glocks are source books Rolling up barrettes, crit and cut you up with fish hooks Spit so hot I guzzle antifreeze for enemies Who know my albums hot but won’t admit it cause they’re hard to please Ayo I’m nerdanese, a race of my concoction So big on the net I just wink at EBay, win the auction and You may think that I’m just another ego monster I’m really not a nerd, just a really good imposter but What you see is what you get like Chumbawamba I’ll be serving up the clueless all day yo so take a number
10.
Hey You! (Yeah you!) Could you do me a favor And get a pad and some paper and jot the words of this savior You need to turn that radio right off right off right off right off right off right off Why? Well son I’ll tell ya boy The media they’ll tell ya boy That SUPERMAN’s a good song When it’s really killin culture boy These dudes that dance don’t rap Cause rappers they don’t dance They know how to produce a hit Same formula in every track That’s not art that’s just wrong Same ol shit in every song But zombies they just sing along, yo let’s be strong, and bring it on And put an end to the cut and paste The lyrically waste of space Stop putting money in their pockets and just punch them in the fucking face! But shh, I got a secret, they’re all just playing tough Real gangstas died out years back, these new kids homeslice they’re all talk They do it for the paper bill, to get a grill, and make a mill So fake they don’t know who they are, they don’t know how to keep it real So let me ask you, did ya hear what I said? Of course you did baby I’m all engrained in you head So listen up, pay attention, gonna start a revolution They’ve over stayed their welcome Beefy’s got the solution, push em Out your mind, out your heart, or over a cliff Yo if grunge rock had to die, I would say that pop hop is next Cause they don’t bring nothing to the table not already there That shits been played since I was a youngin gripping on a teddy bear So while they holla “paper paper, dolla bills yall” “I’m stright from the block yall, reaching for my steel yall” I’ll get competitive, a nerdy representative They’re rapping for the pride and I’m just rapping for the hell of it Woop Woop! Yeah Yeah! Those are not lyrics You are raping the spirits of the dead MCs who would feel it And they would grip the mic and tell us all their stories and it was real from them All ya do is leech from them, ya might as well be paying them
11.
Get up, work, sleep, eat Purchase power, shave, repeat Clean shirt, dirty socks Car alarm, alarm clocks Sleep depravation Mental masturbation Spend, spend and never save Minimum Wage Slave Gotta wake up at 8 but I can’t, I can’t, I can’t Cause running through my mind is murder, sawed offs, panic, and mayhem You don’t wanna wake this beast, I curl up tight under my sheets But Chick McGee on my alarm reminds me that I can’t sleep So I put on my polo, dress slacks, dress shoes, look for my black frames Cause I gotta see so I can make pizza and sell you nerds video games These nerds think that I live the dream, free pizza and free PSPs But I should probably roundhouse kick them and see if their all on PCP Electronics don’t come cheap, I could get a better deal on EBay And when I tell em they should reserve a game they don’t listen to a damn thing I say So excuse me if I don’t feel bad and drop down on both of my knees Bout how you wanted Guitar Hero 3 but it sold out on the Wii Come in here all the time, you’re still paying for extra bacon Don’t try to take advantage of this nice guy making phony relations Can’t feel too bad, in Washington we make seven ninety three And ya know it’s going up again to eight bucks in January And I got holiday hours creeping up on me daily and nightly If I gave you a gun and would you shoot me if i asked you nicely? Shouldn’t keep razor blades behind the counter, giving me dark ideas Wish these kids would just go home, who needs games when you still got your hot wheels Broken neon sign out front says that I work at umbia Center Never shoplift, but if she’s cute and busty, well then I’ll probably let her Imma slave for the minimum wage, probably should have just kept my fat ass in school Twelve years too long, now i’m a pawn, every damn day played like a fool I smell like onion and garlic, I feel empty and cathartic See myself as a moocher, I’ll taste success in the future Cause what you hear is so damn sweet Other MCs bow down to my feet But that’s just a dream, because actually, I’m more like 12 steps from the elite I’m an artist with a mic but same goes with pepperoni and dough Don’t even tell me your topping, my fingers already know I’m down the best I can, 2 jobs I’m the man with a mic in my hand But folks in this land they don’t understand When all the shit hits the fan that’s all part of my plan I’m a minimum wage slave, working for the man, yeah Every dollar that I make they take it from my damn hand Working two jobs, and I burly get by But I gotta suck it up cause sadly this is my life And I don’t know what Beefy can do Don’t know if there’s anything I can say to you To make you understand that I’m just a man not a fan of dollar bills being snatched from my hand Now I pay rent for real Using change in my car to pay my bills Hockin my TV, living life cheaply No more ladies who’s dads wanna beat me Cause now I don’t have the cash for a dork date and to treat you proper Guess life is a bitch and there’s no way a dude like me could ever stop her Now I just sit at home Fat ass in the living room all alone Fake ass YT, hacking encryptions So Microsoft doesn’t end my Live subscription Overdrafting on the daily just to get gasoline in my truck But still I tipping like a pimp cause frankly I’m not giving a…darn Just give me the check you can keep the fame Don’t care if Joe Blow’s never learning my name Stomach’s got pain and it’s totally lame Got shame from this game and I’m going insane
12.
Dork Date 02:41
Not a playa but I’m cool as a blizzard And I saw you at the Barnes & Noble with the newest Wizard Sitting by yourself, thought you might need some company Said hello my name is Beefy, internet celebrity You might know me from the interwuubs but then I doubt it But what’s your name? Whatcha do? Tell me all about it And it’s not like me to be forward and step up But I was thinking maybe later you could join me for lunch And we’ll discuss Spidey 3 and the death of Cap America Oh, you like my hair? I got a stylist named Erica And I get a great rate yo cause she’s my mother’s sister She’d love you in a second you should really come and meet her Ignore the voice in your head, just listen to Beef A silly night of adventure and it’s all on me So here’s my cell, gimme a call when you’re done with school Oh and you don’t have a boyfriend right? Aiight, cool Hey girl let me take you on a dork date We’ll hit the comic shop baby and it’ll be great Making you feel good is my goal Having so much fun I don’t wanna go home, no Hey baby lemme take you on a dork date Ya never know, I just might end up your soul mate Smile on your face is the top of my plans My chubby cheeks lightin’ up every time we hold hands So if ya like I’d like to take ya to my spot China Cafe, know they got almond chicken on lock Was gonna take ya to a movie cause deep down it is my hobby But we got sidetracked playing Street Fighter up in the lobby Grabbed ya by the hand and asked “Ya wanna go to comiccon?” We can meet Brian K Vaughan and get our cosplay on mc chris has a show tonight Maybe the kids in attendance can confirm that I’m outta sight But I’m hoping you can see that for yourself by now Cause you make me say wow, you should take a bow Cause in my heart it seems you’re gonna be a resident Owning all control, got more power than the president I really love your hair and the way your eyes are blazing Ya ask if you’re becomin my new wonderfulamazing And I don’t know how to answer that, got red on my face Cause now it’s 1am and now we’re going over to my place, hey! And I’m feeling it. Do ya feel too? We’re on my bed, watching BSG, just me and you And I’m thinking of all the things I’d like to do with you Yo I get all excited when ya say that you like View Askew And you like the posters covering the plaster I try to take it slow and avoid a disaster But I can’t help that my heart just keeps on beating faster and faster I’m feeling harder than the later levels of Blaster Master You look me in eyes and gimme a little wiggle Ya say you like my smile I say I like the way you giggle And then I feel your lips on mine Hope the night don’t end. Hope the sun don’t shine Heart starts to skip while I grab your hip She pull up on my hair so I bite on her bottom lip Love to tell ya more but deep down I’m a gentleman I gotta clean the room because she’s coming over late again
13.
So lemme lemme lemme lemme lemme get on the track Like a Street Fighter cabinet I got me a fierce attack Feeling lazy so I’m hitting the sack Often feel like I’m Banjo with Kazooie on my back So lemme know what you’re trying to prove I’m like fire it’s true, there is no touching this dude In fact I never ever stop time I just speed it up Watching you disintegrate while I stay young It’s like my superpower, my shiny gift from Zeus I understand how your feeling lemme get your noose And there’s nothing nothing nothing nothing I can do To make you start feeling good about you I’ve been know to have that Ken Masters confidence Flamming sharuken right against your head to make ya dense Hard not to be impressed with the Beef Some people call me an asshole, assholes call me Keith I only throw nat 20s when I need to You run characters transparent enough to read through But I have got my schooling, so baby eat it up Brag about myself little bit but come on gimme love I’m such a sight to see I got this PhD in 1337ology At the worst of times, still got the best of rhymes And Imma give it to you motherfuckers one more time I’m such a sight to see I got this PhD in 1337ology I’m an original, I got it in control And I’m getting nerd girls up on the stripper pole To be honest never been good at getting girls undressed But now they get impressed now that Beefy got some press And I SING better than you would believe And I BRING all the fire that ya need baby Might be obscene baby, little retarded maybe Your throwing children overboard while your screaming mayday But I don’t need the drama, I’m jumping off dude So you can call me Kratos, you should prolly do the same too And I don’t need to believe in the things that you want me to What would Ken Masters do? I think he’d, hurricane kick you right into oblivion I really whip the llama’s ass baby like I’m Bolivian People don’t like me and they don’t like she She goes by the name of MC Routerlicious, MC Router, I just call her boots She’ll be here in just a minute homie giving you the truth I’m such a sight to see I got this PhD in 1337ology At the worst of times, still got the best of rhymes And Imma give it to you motherfuckers one more time I’m such a sight to see I got this PhD in 1337ology I’m an original, I got it in control And I’m getting nerd girls up on the stripper pole
14.
Story Time 03:46
Gather round kids, it’s story time Let me try to convince you this tale is not mine This boy is special but he doesn’t know And that’s just the way the story goes Chapter 1, an introduction, say hello to the kid Bit of an oddball, nobody saw the world quite like he did He was a happy funny child and quite rarely it varied Despite the fact he has no memory of his parents happily married He just remembers early mornings with the screaming and the fighting Escaped his rotten spot by his continuously lying He then he started his writing, stories, essays, and raps Always tried to make his friends laugh instead of going to class See he was smart, not a genius, but he knew how to get by With minimal effort, it made him L-A-Z-Y So when it came to higher learning and he didn’t know to study He dropped out after two years wasting a lot of daddy’s money And he feels just like a burden and a charity case You can see the stress cover his face, he’s out of place And he feels inadequate, so he’s picking some fights Cause a life of minimum wage the only thing in his sights It’s like… Chapter 2 deals with the love life, or the lack thereof Dying a virgin makes him nauseous but he keeps his head up He met a girl that he loved, but he got in too deep And the opinions they spill out from everyone that he meets They tell him stay away from her, your disrespecting yourself She’s gonna marry that man, he tells them that he needs help But all they ever tell him is to just get over her Little did he know after one year that he’d wished he never talked to her And when she’s wasted she gets stupid, spillin drinks on her blouse He laughs when she walks her pretty drunk ass out of his house Realized that she’s not prefect, in fact very for from it Brain knew it all along, just took his heart some time to confront it Over 700 miles keeps the two of them apart Not his fault that the girl straight owns a piece of his heart Used to obsesses on the daily but now he thinks she’s just nothin’ Lied right to his face each time she would tell him she loves him Chapter 3 about the arson. Many bridges he burned He says that he is a good friend but that some people never learn And maybe he’s right, knows he’s not the king of polite He doesn’t talk shit about the guys he hungout with last night But through the grapevine he learns a lot about himself From a guy that he considered incredibly top shelf Been bad mouthed him for years, it caused him disgust Now another name on a list of males our hero can’t trust Disassociates with those that diss his love and his brother And he’ll punch you in the jaw, say the wrong thing bout his mother He let it compound, stayed home alone with a Gamecube Came this close to posting emo shit onto YouTube Rage it would build, got attitude like young Ice Cube He spends too much time trying to convince you he’s a good dude BFF is bullshit and completely irrelevant Too many if’s in this world for anything that is permanent
15.
Saturday night I’m bringing skills here at the table top So much better at Monopoly than at nerdcore hip-hop I won at Tongiaki, Uno, and Settlers of Catan Hand me a twenty sided die and I’ll show you who is the man Back up with a soda pop Rolling doubles all night and I’m feeling hot See that I’m getting outta jail free Hitting duce 5s yo that’s my free parking Feeling pretty dopehat know I’m winning all these games tonight Collect 20 bucks from everybody who’s feeling good alright Clean up the board and money while my buddy lifts the GM Screen I got my D, my handbook, and my trusty character sheet My warrior is known to do 8 plus 1 with his fists Turning orcs into clouds of blood wishing they didn’t exist I receive all my XP then we proceed to some games of Munchkin Think I’m getting all the good treasure? That’s a great assumption Back down with the power glove For once we’re gonna show this table love Turn the TV off and grab some dice This is how we roll mo-fo on nerd night Nobody’s trading with Beefy when we play SOC I tell em that I’ve got wood for sheep, they just make faces at me We play some Ninja Burger my card says I do a backflip 3am but I don’t care my friend yo it’s time for conflict Never been a fan of Scrabble Words or birds or psychobabble Thanks to the net I can beat friends in Portland and Seattle We need three days for some RISK Trapped in Ukraine I slash wrists But I sit back I don’t get pissed I’ll win cause I’m an optimist Game of Life? Don’t waste my time I’d rather go back home and rhyme I came here for games and friends I wipe the smudge up off my lens Then I stand up on my seat Dispense this knowledge I decree That nerd night is the greatest thing to happen to all of our lives
16.
I’d like to be with you, it’s like the only thing I think about But nerds like me we don’t get ladies yeah we always go without I was playing Smash Brothers when it was prom night The last girl I saw was Chinese, she beat me in a street fight I know I seem standoffish, it appears like I don’t like ya When all I really wanna do is just Excite ya like a Biker(a) Wish this was an RPG, I’d change the way I am You’re a perfect 10 and I know exactly where I stand Spending hours on a Gamecube, rather be with you If I’m Weapon X, rejection is my Sabertooth Basically to me you are a wish still unfulfilled I’m fragile like a tiny Mario against a Bullet Bill So I really must refrain, causing hearing No would cause me pain And to hear me stammer stutter must be driving you insane Beautiful, intelligent, the woman that I dream about Scared that if I told ya you would grab my heart and rip it out Met you at a lan party in my buddy’s garage Yo I was feeling quite large, the opposite of in charge Social butterfly until a pretty stranger walks by Asking me if you needed a CD-Key for Farcry I started making noises like [stuttering] Ya giggled, winked, and waved, and said what’s up it’s nice to meet ya Frankly to be honest you seemed rather out of place Pretty much the hottest girly that will go up on my MySpace Looking back I probably should have asked you out right on the spot But I was regulating heavily on Quake and couldn’t stop Well at least that’s my excuse Rather produce a noose and get loose off this boozed up juice Than deal with another lady telling me that I’m not good enough If love is just a battlefield I’m happy never suitin’ up But I can’t resist Plotting and pondering with those lips, all the ways you kiss I think I’m starting to get a better lay of the land You seem to date a lot of assholes, I can be a better man so I gotta be true, I see me being with you To get your hand in my hand what does Beefy gotta do? Seem to see your face like all of the time Just like Tyler Durden can’t get you out of my mind So I…some how some way Gotta believe that you think of me the very same way And if that’s true how ’bout me and you hook up on a rendezvous And I can take you for a ride just like Marvel vs. Capcom 2 Might leave me broken like a crack in a disk But I’m awesome and you’re worth it so I’m taking that risk So come over to my spot so maybe we can play games Ya make me feel like Johnny Storm, like I could burst into flames I’d give ya foot and back rubs every night before you sleep So just keep that in mind every time you’re thinking of Beef Game On!

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Nerdcore Hip-Hop artist Beefy's 2nd Studio Album ROLLING DOUBLES featuring ytcracker, MC Router, Shael Riley, The Former Fat Boys, and Bethzilla with production from tanner4105, Drown Radio, and dj john

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released August 15, 2008

Album Credits @ Beefyness.com

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Beefy Kennewick, Washington

Beefy is a grizzled young vet of nerdcore hip-hop, having been providing thrust inducing jams since 2005. Based near a decommissioned nuclear production complex in the Pacific Northwest, Beefy’s meta-powers took shape in the form of dope rhymes, fun flows, and he can glow in the dark. Beef is also a founding member of the nerd music super group The Grammar Club. ... more

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