The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Vampire Hunter

by Beefy

(free) 03:55
(free) 02:10
(free) 04:12
(free) 02:36
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The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Vampire Hunter is my latest free collection of music, grouping together the various tracks I've made since With Sprinkles that won't be on my upcoming album, Too Big To Fail. The album is free and you can enter 0.00 for the price and all you pay is your e-mail address so that I can give you a heads up with my next album comes out and if there is any extra bonus stuff like shows and events you might enjoy. If you feel the need to spend your hard earned dollars on my music, it is both welcomed and encouraged and all of the dollars will go towards making my next album better. Physical CDs. Mastering. Maybe travel to do a show. All of those are possibilities. But if you're broke, please download without guilt. I hope you dig it and if you do, please tell your friends, tweet, facebook, blog about it, vidcast, all that stuff. Get the word out, because nothing is better than free music!


released October 29, 2011

album art by Thor Thorvaldson
This badass also did the art for Random's new MegaRan 10. Clearly he's amazing!


all rights reserved



Beefy Kennewick, Washington

Beefy is a grizzled young vet of nerdcore hip-hop, having been providing thrust inducing jams since 2005. Based near a decommissioned nuclear production complex in the Pacific Northwest, Beefy’s meta-powers took shape in the form of dope rhymes, fun flows, and he can glow in the dark. Beef is also a founding member of the nerd music super group The Grammar Club. ... more

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Track Name: God Hates Fangs
Ageless like I like it, remember back in the day
They always get a little older, but I stay the same age
And I make the same plays, spend my days in a coffin
We need to get another sheriff cause this dude isn't rocking
But I just, met a lady who just took away a breath
Maybe she wasn't the first, but I bet that she's the best
Don't wanna tell ya how I know it but I know that she's a virgin
In no time we went from flirting to some sex that's way disturbing
They call her fang banger, it don't bother me none
I think they jealous cause these bitches loving giving me some
And her brother is dumb, but he got notches in his belt
Everybody can't be lucky, gotta play the cards your dealt
And I got dealt from the bottom, watched my brothers expire
1860s, they were shitty, not a thing to admire
So when you tell me that you think that they're the glorious dead
Makes me think that you're so lucky cause I already fed

My life can't be the same
I don't remember my name
Need blood and I don't feel shame
Can't die cause God hates fangs

I messed around centerfolds and beauty exotic
If it's the middle of the night, you got vagina, I'll rock it
And if you tap me like a keg, I'll make the world come alive
I don't hate ya, you're in nature, and you're feeling sublime
But at the same time, your evils will be met
By a dude who is so hungry that you're likely to get bit
Don't mean no disrespect, but you didn't think it through
I'm a million years old dick, whatchu gonna do?
I got friends my size and they're ready to ride
Just like Frank White they were ready to die
I just wanna drink, I'm not here for a fight
Change my plans if ya really feel like dying tonight
I don't turn into a bat, I don't sparkle in the sunshine
Power of persuasion, I know I could make your girl mine
Glamor, it's a power I don't keep to myself
Got the co-ed, got the cougar, and I got me the MILF

Yo once you go vamp, you don't ever go back
Life is a commerical before fading to black
And if you're lucky just to know me I could make you one of us
I'm a maker, first I drain ya, then we're rising from the dust
Shapeshifters and demons all live in the South
Reminder who is running shit? Look at my mouth
Ware-things and witches get a little more spooky
Got like 5 grown men all fighting over some Sookie
Got a message gotta tell ya it's a little bit blunt
Bella's just a bitch, and Buffy's kind of a slut
If ya wanna press your luck, try to mess with what's mine
Got a life's worth of torture if you're crossing the line
I got nothing else to live for, I'm already gone
You keep your little minions, but you give me the blond
Bringing it on, war is on the doorstep bitch
Bribe me? it's embarrassing, I'm old money rich, dick
Track Name: Shots [f. Adam Warrock]
Adam lyrics coming soon, maybe, if I can locate them.

Harder than a boss fight, drinking too much last night
Makes ya think you got a mic but you're yelling in a Miller Light
And though it took some time, I drank enough that I was puking
Your brother grabbed my beer, I yelled "the fuck you think you're doing kid?"

You don't know me like I know me
My system has protection so don't play me like I'm Sony
Get out my face, your corny and I bet that your a phony
Matter fact middle school Beefy would have called you a Jabroni

And that's just the way I feel on booze
Nothing to loose, I'll beat up all of the dudes
And tell all the girls I love them, cause I do, that how I feel
Officer I wasn't driving, I let Jesus take the wheel, uh-huh
I don't know if I'll remember in the morning

Please correct me I'm wrong but I recall you made me horny
If you got some time to spare, I'd like a handful of your hair
And drop more fluids on you than an episode of Double Dare
Ambitions leave em bare and let the random people stare
Like it was twenty eight degrees and I was only rocking underwear
My eyes are barely working, I don't wanna crack another beer
It's almost 7:30, when the hell we getting out of here?

--I got places to be, I got things that I need
Did I bleed on my jeans?
I don't need OMGs, get me out of here please
They all have a disease so I'm down on my knees, praying

Jehovah please remove me from this house of hops and barley
If we're being honest I am getting sick of feeling gnarly
Stuck here with a schmuck and I could use a change of luck
With a hottie down to fuck not wearing pants like Donald Duck, amen

It's obvious I need a change in my ways
It's just been one of those days where I just feel the malaise
I think it might be a phase, if I get out of this haze
-Maybe I can be like Adam and just simply amaze
Track Name: PAXXX
Been planning all year, been saving all week
We're gonna load up the truck and gonna head for the sea
I know who I wanna meet, I know what I wanna see
Ain't my first rodeo, you could say I've prestiged
Driving cross the pass, got my album on blast, and a cooler full of snacks
Maybe when we're done getting barrels of ass
We can take off our masks and maybe check out PAX

PAX is fun... but I came for the orgy (x4)

I gotta buzz for your Lightyear, whisper in your ear
There's a lot of dudes here, and they're drinking all the rootbeer
I can't stand it, putting down the pomegranate
Tell em that I'm trying to take this lady to another planet
And the four eyed stare really throwing my groove
They know that I don't approve, but they just don't wanna move
They wanna see Spartan Helmet Deep Fat Fryer
Put it in a bun while ya sing and I call it Oscar Mayer
Pole to hole ratio is expectedly wack
Are there more chicks in the back? Where's the manager at?
I'd like to file a complaint, but I don't need to stress him
I guess what I am saying is I think I learned a lesson
The people showing up ain't exactly Bayonetta
But they gotta a lot of hair so I guess I'll see ya later
Saw that someone pulled a camera so I'm out with a flash
Found a three day pass, man I'll see ya at PAX
Track Name: Outlaw
Call me Mr. Marston, I was sent down here from Blackwater
Don't believe the hype, I'm just a man, don't let your mind wonder
I came here for a man I used to call my BFF
But after years of disrespect, he put a bullet in my chest
Kindness of a stranger gets me back into the saddle
Gun slinging coming later, first I gotta heard the cattle
And there's broncos to be busted, and we could use security
You people just don't understand what these people could do to me
Never really rested and how dare you judge my methods?
Like this world could be a better place if they were all arrested
Don't like the way I handle business, solve your problem yourself
Otherwise make yourself useful and please hand me those shells

Home on the range, I got lows, I got pains
And yet everybody wants a piece of me
But then they call me an outlaw
Yeah they call me an outlaw

Got a six shooter but I don't wanna use it
I plead that they let me be
Instead they call me an outlaw
Yeah they call me an outlaw

Troubles in my past, yeah ya know that I got em
I try to do a little better, but it's never forgotten
They got my wife, they got my kid, they got this man by the balls
So now I work for revolution while I work with the law
Ferry maybe scary headed south down the border
They got the tiny little horses with an eating disorder
I can't believe what I'm seeing, they're all burning alive
Mr. Ricketts getting pissed kid cause I won't choose a side
I got duels to contend with and I gotta find the source
Of the missing group of settlers, whistle for the horse
I make time stand still while I mark you for removal
Welcome to New Austin, it can get a little brutal
Track Name: Flux
Hold it right there. I ain't going anywhere
I don't know if you could tell but I'm an F'ing millionaire
So while I gotta deal with a myriad of poor choices
I whisper sweet voices buy gold with Rolls Royce's
Check out the invoices, my glasses are turquoise
So don't expect me to step into the past and ruin it
In this alternate dimension I learned how to stack paper
Better than Don Drapper, and disintegrate the haters
Just peep the zip code
My story has been told. I traveled the right road
Don't know.. if you thought of repercussions
In high school she loved him now it's my buns in the over
So what your talking bout is murder, dick
Take it like a man, no body gets a re-do bitch
Where did you even get the science? Causes headaches and blindness
I can feel it inside my synus, surrender to my alliance
Track Name: Army [f. Hairetsu]
Ever since Oh-Five you've been trying to survive
With this bull in the china shop, Wrecking shit with Table Top
Dealing with your poppycock, Don't think that you get the plot
Get the whole net then quick reformat
Got good news you can call me Farnsworth
Shit's real bad, but I know it can get worse
Run and tell that to all of your chums
Replaced dice and games for chains and guns
Cause I'm hunting ya down, put you in the ground
Reach into your wallet get a larger amount
No playing around, ya keep running your mouth
Change your address six feet more south
Oh my god and oh my goodness
What just happened? How they do this?
It's a magic trick, can't really explain
Pain hits all the nerves, nerves go to your brain

Nerdy South is an Army, better yet a Navy
So fuck you pay me
Life feels so good when your running the net
You step to the best you get punched in the neck
Nerdy South is an Army, better yet a Navy
So fuck you pay me
Got the hottest production for cats who be frontin
On a kill streak, feel my destruction

Headshot! Always ready for a head start
Crush ya and compact ya till ya really look like one part
Cause dead men don't talk shit on the world wide
Teeth to the curbside, screaming out nerd pride
When your girl is in town, she goes down on this jerk
Level up on her skirt while your ass is at work
Like I'm giving a damn, you even know who I am?
They call me Beef E. Thompson, I'm a gentleman ma'am
Give to the needy, help ladies cross the street
And I always go down once you've gone down on me
In the morning tell ya bounce, I got things to do
Watch ya leave knowing that I left an once in you (eww)
Don't get mad, I learned it from the mighty YT
Get into your psyche, name is Jenny but I call ya Heidi
Passion got a little bit, told ya im a lunatic
Got some videos of me and Billy Fridge prolly make ya sick

hold up nerdysouth ya we run this shit
so don't even question what i've fuckin done in it
imma hacker a rapper a drifter a spammer
dont get in my way cause i will outstand ya

putting it down with the bomb weed
nerdysouth army, you see you can't harm me
im just numbing my mind, with some of the kind
im sittin back hit the mac, havin fun on my grind

and if you fuckin with mine, then you rewind
to a time when i was doin innanet crimes
i'll take your first and last, grab your social and dash
have your credit score screwed, and most of ya cash

so when you fucking with us, ya you fuckin with that
i've come along way yo and i aint bustin a cap
not frontin from me its just the truth and the facts
a gangster motherfucker ya with the root and the hacks
Track Name: I Am
Got two in the pink and one in the stink
It's a shocker I'm much grosser than these people probably think
From the kid in 05 who barely used a single curse word
A ------' new album for the ----- and the -----
Put your hands up! Now put em back down.
It's like I cast Imperio every time you hear the Beef sound
Maybe I should take myself a bit more serious
But to keep a stick betwixt my cheeks was way too tedious
Return of the class clown, the fat kid's back
Went away for a minute but it seems I'm back on track
Used to do a million shows, now I only do a little
Seattle in my veins cause I'm hooked on a Space Needle
Like Abrams on my Facebook, I might have lost status
You don't need a necromancer to discover who's baddest
It starts with a B. Ends with a T.
I mean a Y, What I'm trying to say is that it's me

Your worst nightmare
And your bestest friend

So damn sexy
If you play pretend

I like me. Bigger shocker than the first verse
When I'm in town I'll steal all of your cookies and your wet nurse
Keep your purse, yeah you can keep your dollars hun
But know for sure that you should use em when my other albums done
This is a preview, like the start of a flick
And like a movie it gets better with some green and a BIC
This hop isn't hip, it's referential and it's brain dead
It's like we made a whole musical genre just for Abed
And our Community is much less pretty
For every Jaylyn Coffin we got fifty more Billy's
And maybe it's the science but I think that I would hit that
Million burning children could be grafted with our back fat
If you don't get it I don't mean to persist
Bizzarro Beefy's MC Lars cause he's single and he's famous
Strive for success till the day that I'm defeated
Love and money, finally got my cake and now I really wanna eat it

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