The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Vampire Hunter

by Beefy

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1.
God Hates Fangs (free) 03:55
Ageless like I like it, remember back in the day They always get a little older, but I stay the same age And I make the same plays, spend my days in a coffin We need to get another sheriff cause this dude isn't rocking But I just, met a lady who just took away a breath Maybe she wasn't the first, but I bet that she's the best Don't wanna tell ya how I know it but I know that she's a virgin In no time we went from flirting to some sex that's way disturbing They call her fang banger, it don't bother me none I think they jealous cause these bitches loving giving me some And her brother is dumb, but he got notches in his belt Everybody can't be lucky, gotta play the cards your dealt And I got dealt from the bottom, watched my brothers expire 1860s, they were shitty, not a thing to admire So when you tell me that you think that they're the glorious dead Makes me think that you're so lucky cause I already fed My life can't be the same I don't remember my name Need blood and I don't feel shame Can't die cause God hates fangs I messed around centerfolds and beauty exotic If it's the middle of the night, you got vagina, I'll rock it And if you tap me like a keg, I'll make the world come alive I don't hate ya, you're in nature, and you're feeling sublime But at the same time, your evils will be met By a dude who is so hungry that you're likely to get bit Don't mean no disrespect, but you didn't think it through I'm a million years old dick, whatchu gonna do? I got friends my size and they're ready to ride Just like Frank White they were ready to die I just wanna drink, I'm not here for a fight Change my plans if ya really feel like dying tonight I don't turn into a bat, I don't sparkle in the sunshine Power of persuasion, I know I could make your girl mine Glamor, it's a power I don't keep to myself Got the co-ed, got the cougar, and I got me the MILF Yo once you go vamp, you don't ever go back Life is a commerical before fading to black And if you're lucky just to know me I could make you one of us I'm a maker, first I drain ya, then we're rising from the dust Shapeshifters and demons all live in the South Reminder who is running shit? Look at my mouth Ware-things and witches get a little more spooky Got like 5 grown men all fighting over some Sookie Got a message gotta tell ya it's a little bit blunt Bella's just a bitch, and Buffy's kind of a slut If ya wanna press your luck, try to mess with what's mine Got a life's worth of torture if you're crossing the line I got nothing else to live for, I'm already gone You keep your little minions, but you give me the blond Bringing it on, war is on the doorstep bitch Bribe me? it's embarrassing, I'm old money rich, dick
2.
Adam lyrics coming soon, maybe, if I can locate them. Harder than a boss fight, drinking too much last night Makes ya think you got a mic but you're yelling in a Miller Light And though it took some time, I drank enough that I was puking Your brother grabbed my beer, I yelled "the fuck you think you're doing kid?" You don't know me like I know me My system has protection so don't play me like I'm Sony Get out my face, your corny and I bet that your a phony Matter fact middle school Beefy would have called you a Jabroni And that's just the way I feel on booze Nothing to loose, I'll beat up all of the dudes And tell all the girls I love them, cause I do, that how I feel Officer I wasn't driving, I let Jesus take the wheel, uh-huh I don't know if I'll remember in the morning Please correct me I'm wrong but I recall you made me horny If you got some time to spare, I'd like a handful of your hair And drop more fluids on you than an episode of Double Dare Ambitions leave em bare and let the random people stare Like it was twenty eight degrees and I was only rocking underwear My eyes are barely working, I don't wanna crack another beer It's almost 7:30, when the hell we getting out of here? --I got places to be, I got things that I need Did I bleed on my jeans? I don't need OMGs, get me out of here please They all have a disease so I'm down on my knees, praying Jehovah please remove me from this house of hops and barley If we're being honest I am getting sick of feeling gnarly Stuck here with a schmuck and I could use a change of luck With a hottie down to fuck not wearing pants like Donald Duck, amen It's obvious I need a change in my ways It's just been one of those days where I just feel the malaise I think it might be a phase, if I get out of this haze -Maybe I can be like Adam and just simply amaze
3.
PAXXX (free) 02:10
Been planning all year, been saving all week We're gonna load up the truck and gonna head for the sea I know who I wanna meet, I know what I wanna see Ain't my first rodeo, you could say I've prestiged Driving cross the pass, got my album on blast, and a cooler full of snacks Maybe when we're done getting barrels of ass We can take off our masks and maybe check out PAX PAX is fun... but I came for the orgy (x4) I gotta buzz for your Lightyear, whisper in your ear There's a lot of dudes here, and they're drinking all the rootbeer I can't stand it, putting down the pomegranate Tell em that I'm trying to take this lady to another planet And the four eyed stare really throwing my groove They know that I don't approve, but they just don't wanna move They wanna see Spartan Helmet Deep Fat Fryer Put it in a bun while ya sing and I call it Oscar Mayer Pole to hole ratio is expectedly wack Are there more chicks in the back? Where's the manager at? I'd like to file a complaint, but I don't need to stress him I guess what I am saying is I think I learned a lesson The people showing up ain't exactly Bayonetta But they gotta a lot of hair so I guess I'll see ya later Saw that someone pulled a camera so I'm out with a flash Found a three day pass, man I'll see ya at PAX
4.
Too Good For Me (free) 04:12
5.
Outlaw (free) 02:36
Call me Mr. Marston, I was sent down here from Blackwater Don't believe the hype, I'm just a man, don't let your mind wonder I came here for a man I used to call my BFF But after years of disrespect, he put a bullet in my chest Kindness of a stranger gets me back into the saddle Gun slinging coming later, first I gotta heard the cattle And there's broncos to be busted, and we could use security You people just don't understand what these people could do to me Never really rested and how dare you judge my methods? Like this world could be a better place if they were all arrested Don't like the way I handle business, solve your problem yourself Otherwise make yourself useful and please hand me those shells Home on the range, I got lows, I got pains And yet everybody wants a piece of me But then they call me an outlaw Yeah they call me an outlaw Got a six shooter but I don't wanna use it I plead that they let me be Instead they call me an outlaw Yeah they call me an outlaw Troubles in my past, yeah ya know that I got em I try to do a little better, but it's never forgotten They got my wife, they got my kid, they got this man by the balls So now I work for revolution while I work with the law Ferry maybe scary headed south down the border They got the tiny little horses with an eating disorder I can't believe what I'm seeing, they're all burning alive Mr. Ricketts getting pissed kid cause I won't choose a side I got duels to contend with and I gotta find the source Of the missing group of settlers, whistle for the horse I make time stand still while I mark you for removal Welcome to New Austin, it can get a little brutal
6.
Flux (free) 01:05
Hold it right there. I ain't going anywhere I don't know if you could tell but I'm an F'ing millionaire So while I gotta deal with a myriad of poor choices I whisper sweet voices buy gold with Rolls Royce's Check out the invoices, my glasses are turquoise So don't expect me to step into the past and ruin it In this alternate dimension I learned how to stack paper Better than Don Drapper, and disintegrate the haters Just peep the zip code My story has been told. I traveled the right road Don't know.. if you thought of repercussions In high school she loved him now it's my buns in the over So what your talking bout is murder, dick Take it like a man, no body gets a re-do bitch Where did you even get the science? Causes headaches and blindness I can feel it inside my synus, surrender to my alliance
7.
Nerdcore Now (free) 02:41
8.
Army [f. Hairetsu] (free) 02:40
Ever since Oh-Five you've been trying to survive With this bull in the china shop, Wrecking shit with Table Top Dealing with your poppycock, Don't think that you get the plot Get the whole net then quick reformat Got good news you can call me Farnsworth Shit's real bad, but I know it can get worse Run and tell that to all of your chums Replaced dice and games for chains and guns Cause I'm hunting ya down, put you in the ground Reach into your wallet get a larger amount No playing around, ya keep running your mouth Change your address six feet more south Oh my god and oh my goodness What just happened? How they do this? It's a magic trick, can't really explain Pain hits all the nerves, nerves go to your brain Nerdy South is an Army, better yet a Navy So fuck you pay me Life feels so good when your running the net You step to the best you get punched in the neck Nerdy South is an Army, better yet a Navy So fuck you pay me Got the hottest production for cats who be frontin On a kill streak, feel my destruction Headshot! Always ready for a head start Crush ya and compact ya till ya really look like one part Cause dead men don't talk shit on the world wide Teeth to the curbside, screaming out nerd pride When your girl is in town, she goes down on this jerk Level up on her skirt while your ass is at work Like I'm giving a damn, you even know who I am? They call me Beef E. Thompson, I'm a gentleman ma'am Give to the needy, help ladies cross the street And I always go down once you've gone down on me In the morning tell ya bounce, I got things to do Watch ya leave knowing that I left an once in you (eww) Don't get mad, I learned it from the mighty YT Get into your psyche, name is Jenny but I call ya Heidi Passion got a little bit, told ya im a lunatic Got some videos of me and Billy Fridge prolly make ya sick hold up nerdysouth ya we run this shit so don't even question what i've fuckin done in it imma hacker a rapper a drifter a spammer dont get in my way cause i will outstand ya putting it down with the bomb weed nerdysouth army, you see you can't harm me im just numbing my mind, with some of the kind im sittin back hit the mac, havin fun on my grind and if you fuckin with mine, then you rewind to a time when i was doin innanet crimes i'll take your first and last, grab your social and dash have your credit score screwed, and most of ya cash so when you fucking with us, ya you fuckin with that i've come along way yo and i aint bustin a cap not frontin from me its just the truth and the facts a gangster motherfucker ya with the root and the hacks
9.
Twenty Sided Rhyme (free) 02:26
10.
I Am (free) 02:16
Got two in the pink and one in the stink It's a shocker I'm much grosser than these people probably think From the kid in 05 who barely used a single curse word A ------' new album for the ----- and the ----- Put your hands up! Now put em back down. It's like I cast Imperio every time you hear the Beef sound Maybe I should take myself a bit more serious But to keep a stick betwixt my cheeks was way too tedious Return of the class clown, the fat kid's back Went away for a minute but it seems I'm back on track Used to do a million shows, now I only do a little Seattle in my veins cause I'm hooked on a Space Needle Like Abrams on my Facebook, I might have lost status You don't need a necromancer to discover who's baddest It starts with a B. Ends with a T. I mean a Y, What I'm trying to say is that it's me I.... Am... Your worst nightmare And your bestest friend I... Am.. So damn sexy If you play pretend I like me. Bigger shocker than the first verse When I'm in town I'll steal all of your cookies and your wet nurse Keep your purse, yeah you can keep your dollars hun But know for sure that you should use em when my other albums done This is a preview, like the start of a flick And like a movie it gets better with some green and a BIC This hop isn't hip, it's referential and it's brain dead It's like we made a whole musical genre just for Abed And our Community is much less pretty For every Jaylyn Coffin we got fifty more Billy's And maybe it's the science but I think that I would hit that Million burning children could be grafted with our back fat If you don't get it I don't mean to persist Bizzarro Beefy's MC Lars cause he's single and he's famous Strive for success till the day that I'm defeated Love and money, finally got my cake and now I really wanna eat it

about

The Adventures of Beef Thompson: Vampire Hunter is my latest free collection of music, grouping together the various tracks I've made since With Sprinkles that won't be on my upcoming album, Too Big To Fail. The album is free and you can enter 0.00 for the price and all you pay is your e-mail address so that I can give you a heads up with my next album comes out and if there is any extra bonus stuff like shows and events you might enjoy. If you feel the need to spend your hard earned dollars on my music, it is both welcomed and encouraged and all of the dollars will go towards making my next album better. Physical CDs. Mastering. Maybe travel to do a show. All of those are possibilities. But if you're broke, please download without guilt. I hope you dig it and if you do, please tell your friends, tweet, facebook, blog about it, vidcast, all that stuff. Get the word out, because nothing is better than free music!

credits

released October 29, 2011

album art by Thor Thorvaldson
thormeister.deviantart.com
This badass also did the art for Random's new MegaRan 10. Clearly he's amazing!

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about

Beefy Kennewick, Washington

Beefy is a grizzled young vet of nerdcore hip-hop, having been providing thrust inducing jams since 2005. Based near a decommissioned nuclear production complex in the Pacific Northwest, Beefy’s meta-powers took shape in the form of dope rhymes, fun flows, and he can glow in the dark. Beef is also a founding member of the nerd music super group The Grammar Club. ... more

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