Too Big To Fail, Part One

by Beefy

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about

Here it is. Several years after it was promised, Beefy and producer tanner4105 present Too Big To Fail. Beefy has 10 years of nerd rapping under his belt, and at least 2 of those years have been good. Allow your chubby best friend to melt your face with tracks about vigilantes, robots, lies, and bitching about work, with familiar friends such as Doctor Awkward, Professor Shyguy, and Shael Riley among fantastic others. Hope you like it. Tell your friends!

Too Big To Fail: Part Two coming soon!

credits

released August 26, 2016

Beefy raps. (www.beefyness.com)
Tanner4105 makes dope beats. (www.soundcloud.com/tanner4105)
Rusty Shackles made this cover art like 3 years ago and has had to sit on it because Beefy is a monster. (www.tabletopfetus.com)

Recorded at SuperSoda Studios aka Beefy's house.
Produced, mixed, and mastered by tanner4105.

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all rights reserved

about

Beefy Kennewick, Washington

Hailing from the Northwest, Beefy is a massive presence in the nerdcore hip-hop scene. Since 2005, Beefy has been pushing his positive, pop culture influenced message worldwide, beginning with his debut The Whitesican EP. Never afraid to make references to X-Men comic books or video game vixens, Beefy has also found a way to create his own style backed by pop, rock, and hard powered rap production ... more

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Track Name: Never Enough
I got some problems, got some issues
But one is perfectly clear
I can’t deny it, I can’t hide it
It’s just the way i appear
But it goes deeper, it’s my secret
But it will make me victorious
I private shame, and yet i reign
No one has ever been so gluttonous
What I got it good and what I got it great
But what you got I want it so much
What you call a feast and desserts full of treat
At the least I’m a beast, I’m just calling it lunch
Wrote me some raps and I made you these tracks
But until I have Grammys I basically suck
Say that it’s greedy or petty or needy
But don’t let me hear you say that it was luck

At minimal, I want it all
Attention and all of your love
They hear my flow
Around the globe
But baby it’s never enough
My list of friends, it never ends
I dare you to call out my bluff
I’ve done some shows
I’ve made some dough
But baby it’s never enough

Clearly my theory is scary because if you’re up on a throne then I’m pulling you down
I am His Beefyness, that shit was serious
And I won’t stop till I’m wearing a crown
No one is safe in this whole fucking place
I’m on pace to erase and then set a new precedent
Wouldn’t it be tight if my house was all white?
Oh yeah you heard me right, baby, Beefy for president
I’m not adverse to straight casting a curse
If I thought that at worst it would gain me a spot
Put dudes in stitches and burn me some bridges
I’ll even punch kittens if that means the top
Just look at me, beacon of purity
Spiritually I am like Rod and I’m Todd
But fly off the handles then light you some candles
Got power like Thanos, I must be a God

You think that…
Greed will consume me but it passes through me
If you truly knew me you knew it was destiny
Here in this racket I’m more than fantastic
But sadly no Catholic would ever risk blessing
Don’t need some dough and I don’t need some hoes
I want em all both just spread out on my bed
Paying attention to silent derision
They think my ambition has gone to my head
If you had the goods and adorable looks
You would call the rest crooks who were out to steal shine
Rent you some talent and borrow the masses
But as the day passes you know it’s all mine
Say I’m not great and you’re playing with fate
I got steak on my plate and you can’t get a bone
Used to be humble but now I will rumble
If you even stumble and trip in my zone
Track Name: Don't Make Me Go [f. Doctor Awkward]
It's like blitzcrank clinck clank living, real life's no different, man I can't break down
No love day of Thanksgiving next day up wishing they would close my town
Much rather be a playboy sipping, sex in finest linen, I'm GQ bound
Easy living that was my mission, but not efficient, you win this round
I don't wanna be a jerk, guess this is work, just wanna usurp this twerp
Should have been on full alert when they said there weren't perks, I don't really wanna fold this shirt
But to get the food on the table, you gotta be able to go with the flow
But the stress it has me rocking, it don't feel like ever stopping, and I'm crying in the corner "Don't make me go!"
Track Name: Three Initials [f. Professor Shyguy]

Time and again I show up, drinking soda, bullies come the new blood
One pant leg up, eating Pizza Hut, and I post up, Fatty with a bowl cut
And every single time I lose, only shows to prove, that I never give up
It's a slow improve, but I make my moves, sometimes I'm straight owning dudes
So bring on the noobs, I got the tools. Baby this was way back in 92
And if that little boy could see me now he would so proud, doing how I do
But those skills now ain't so cool, now gaming moved to being virtual
Got you holding every gun, it's a ton of fun
But get off the couch, it's a workout son!
But there's still a place that's like a cave, that seemed a lot bigger when I was small
They run they mouth, I Wreck It Ralph, body teens at the local mall
Nothing as a kiddo ever felt as fun
Running out of change but I can't be done
Need more credits, so pathetic
Mad at the cabinet cause it don't take debit


K, let's play
Just gotta be home when the sun stops shinning
Oh hey, nice save
But I got a lotta skills that I've been hiding
But forward fast to the present year
Times are bad, nobody's here
These cabinets no one repairs
In no time flat, they all disappear
Track Name: Fat Boyfriend
You know those kids that you had made fun back in middle school
It's not about their status, race or just not being cool
It was that bit of blub, you may have called em scrub
Didn't really give em love cause they were into grub
And maybe you went after dudes with better sex appeal
Captain of team with genes that really were ideal
Or maybe you're the type to go for guys who make some art
Who kinda took that starving artist motto straight to heart
Well let me represent for all those guys you couldn't miss
Those who made you laugh but didn't make ya wanna kiss
The guys who couldn't muster up the courage to try to make a pass
Show up every day and get a B in gym class
Never got the invitation underneath a bleacher
Even though we'd treat ya even better than the Mona Lisa
That is to say like keep ya safe cause you're a masterpiece
And help through any struggle with a little bit of elbow grease


TV and the magazines may say that you're not beautiful
Well let me say that with some weight there comes some ridicule
So we can handle that, just put it on my back
And I'll remind you that you're gorgeous because that's a fact

We're not the type to take your loving heart and soul for granted
You make us feel like we're the luckiest guys on the planet
I'm not religious but to treat you wrong would be a sin
And taking photos with me never made you look so thin

Nothing better than when you're sitting close and next to me
And anybody you don't like is now my enemy
And I don't mind a little sacrifice to play my part
May hate to sweat but I am not afraid of working hard

Looking like a second grader when you're putting on my sweater
Baby I don't settle, I just don't think that there's any better
Hope my devotion doesn't make ya feel uncomfortable
But I can't go a day without your face because you're beautiful


Now all my chubby underbearded homies listen here
Nobody owes you anything for being sweet and dear
Not sincere if you just want inside an evening gown
Girls are not misguided if they slide on what you're putting down
Don't be a luddite, benefit from insight
Most of all these girls right ain't looking for a white knight
But if it happens it happens, two hearts exploding like atoms
If she likes dungeons and dragons, put one leg up like the captain
Track Name: LongCon [f. Shael Riley & JPHONIC]

Walk into these cons like a boss
Marathon, power on, I ain't aiming for a loss
Polygons ramble on, all this swag is open source
Speed along, autobahn, man I know you love these Crocs
Looking like another bearded fatty with a poster tube
Flabby, kinda crabby, but I overhaul my attitude
Cincinnati hottie cosplaying in her birthday suit
Never been so happy with a gender bent Crash Bandicoot
Yeah they loving on the VIP name badge
Haters gets to swarming climbing out the escape hatch
Grabbing every code for a free DLC patch
Losing to an 8 year old, demanding a rematch
Bet you didn't know this like my second home
Tales I could tell require memory like Google Chrome
Packing up these models in this molded styrofoam
Patience while in line is laced in every single chromosome

Long Con is a real convention
Don't you believe detractors
It's just been delayed and obscured
due to myriad factors
It's at the down-town Hilton, the one under construction
Leave your e ntry fee at the door. Await further instruction.

I believe in Long Con

Soooo I was told that there'd be booth babes
I booked my room till Sunday, two years ago I prepaid
This place is insane, in need of several upgrades
Abandoned razor blades and chicken buckets used as lampshades
A bunch of artists said the checks never cleared
And the green room had a rat and a couple warm beers
All the ATMs got jacked, and these kids are in tears
Security's a guy named Matt who keeps on calling us queers
I kinda start to feel like I've been had
What I thought would be a party quickly turned into a drag
I have a hard time here believing Wal-Mart sponsored all these bags
They give a bunch of perfume samples, pass it off like it's swag
If the organizer shows storm his car and we'll mob it
Said that this would happen, guess my mom is a prophet
And right around the time my dignity felt accosted
Redeemed themselves a little when they brought in the ball pit

JPHONIC
yeah, I mighta promised you a thing or two

might of said you’d get an autograph from ash and pikachu

might of said admission guaranteed a piece of epic loot

might of even said that summer glau would wear the zero suit

but, if you look closely you’ll see

the fine print on the receipt

guarantees, that I’ve no legal liability

to provide a refund or relief

or concede that you deserve more than what you have received

so take a seat

And to the rappers who’ve been saying

that I put em on the bill but I’m a shill who ain’t been payin’

let me weigh in with specifics from the contract that you dissin'

even though you signed the line and gave explicit permission

for me to pay you in a very new, exotic cryptocurrency

so what if I invented it and no one takes it currently?

actually, I’m takin’ kind of a loss

so if you’d click this link and donate I would sure appreciate it, boss
Track Name: Man Without Fear
Welcome to the kitchen, I got a condition, I keep on getting into fights
Daddy pulled me aside, told me Matty don't cry, I just don't want you to live this life
Don't hit those crooks, just hit these books. Look what a life of violence does to your pops
This city doesn't need another punch drunk chump, if they can't nut up they can all kick rocks
But then calamity, a tragedy, help me I can't see
And truth it be could have easily turned into a TMNT
You would not believe, how you and me rely on eyes and sight
Then the world turned up and it won't shut up, Daddy help, I can hear them all scream all night
And the weeks and the months they pass and I find I feel the ink with my skin
Relearn how to read, but it's kind of a cheat, but I pick it up quick again
So I study hard, get all gold stars, got the drive so I never tire
And with every breeze feels like I see, but everything's a world on fire
But bullies take no days off. Acting like you kissed their mom
And they feel so hard when they make ya drop, can't freakin take it anymore
But daddy worked for the mob, but I don't really think he knew it
Told him take a dive, but he won that fight, it was like a perfect Murdock moment
And he knew they wouldn't let him live, so he made arrangements for his kid
Please take him in, and give him, everything I never did
And like that another life was taken, it was still enough to make me sick
Alone and I'm naked, bones you can break em, that's when they called in Stick


What could you show me that the world hasn't already shown me
If you thought I wouldn't give up everything than listen closely
I am the man without fear (x3)

Everyday I train, and I go through pain, but I'm finding that I enjoy it
Stick ain't so nice, but he gives advice, and in no time I employ it
But he makes it clear that he's not my dad, yeah no shit I don't need ya
As I grow to a man take a trip to Japan and I train just like a ninja
Brain grew as well and I did excel, made it to Colombia
Met my new best friend, had a couple girlfriends, became Avocados at law
And when I sleep and dream, I like to think, Dad's up there proud of me
But I Catholic see, so the stress increase and I never seem to be feeling not guilty
I see the crime and the injustice dominate my city
Only so much that the law can do with cops that are this dirty
So I dress in black and I wear a mask, and put the cartels on blast
And I make em gasp, rethink they past, reach and grasp but they never last
I climb the scumbag ladder taking all these suckers out one by one
And I don't guns, just a couple clubs so I stop the slaves and drugs
Combing over anything I might have missed and I pound my fist, who tops this list?
Henchmen get pissed when I break their wrist and ask whatchu know bout Fisk?


What could you show me that the world hasn't already shown me
If you thought I wouldn't give up everything than listen closely
I am the man without fear (x3)


And it seems that all the crime and violence points to a single ma n
And he sends all of his henchmen at me like they stand a chance
But of course they don't, and they bones get broke, nighty-night when ya feel the choke
And I go for broke, yo this ain't no joke, Better know that my city doesn't own a throne
And he tries to hide behind some charitable philanthropy
But my team gets wise that it's all a lie, he's snatching up property
And his arm is strong but, knew it all along, in the end he's no Bruce Banner
Fight a man who's life don't matter, I shine a light and watch the roaches scatter
Now it's just me and you, there's no Nobu, what can you do?
I heard you rock a little armor, but I found Mr. Potter, and he made me some too
And if you couldn't tell, hit hard as hell, there ain't no bell
I'mma let you live but it won't be well, you can rot and dwell in a prison cell



What could you show me that the world hasn't already shown me
If you thought I wouldn't give up everything than listen closely
I am the man without fear (x3)
What could you show me that the world hasn't already shown me
If you thought I wouldn't give up everything than listen closely
I am the man without fear (x3)
Track Name: Dear Valentine
Dear sis I don't know if I can send this
I just want to let somebody know that I exist
Still stressed since the day I left the world
And the bullies and our brother who all love to call me Third
They call it Battle School, the name is rather fitting
And making any friends almost feels like it's forbidden
Understanding gravity has made me a pariah
And the dirty looks continue as my ranks are raising higher

I'm the youngest and the smallest but there can be no excuses
And Salamander Army literally asks me to be useless
So I took that hinderance and made it an advantage
And with that I changed the game and my commander couldn't stand it
I'm a leader out of habit so they made me up a team
And they gave me Fly and Vlad and Crazy Tom and even Bean
Dragon Army doing something never seen
Went from bottom and forgotten to a perfect war machine

It's been said that the greatest leaders teach through action
But yet I find myself doing the very things that Graff did
Don't know why I feel I gotta make em hate me
Sometimes I fear that I let Peter break me



Dear Valentine, I hope you get this
Even though I know they will censor this message
Not everything is great up in space
They make me feel like I'm the only hope for human race
Dear Valentine, how I miss you
While I'm gone I hope that nothing there can change you
You remind me the world's worth saving
And the future can be anything we make it



Dear sis, I don't know if I can take this
Sometimes for me it feels like there is only loneliness
They try to keep me in this total isolation
And they tell me that my only job is prepping for invasion
Having us run matches about 2 or 3 a day
And the way I train my troops it's like they wanna do it anyway
Doesn't help they also put me on a pedestal
Cadets that I'm outshining find it more than unacceptable
Let my guard down and they cornered me while in the shower
Lunatic named Bonzo there to prove that I'm a coward
And like you taught me I didn't wanna work with violence
Unfortunate these idiots were buried in their ignorance
Tried to give the slip but he was on a full offense
What you need to know is what I did I did in self defense

I tried to warn him, but his friend were there to egg him on
So I made a couple moves and in a flash that boy was gone
If I'm the savior why did no one came to save me?
Tears appear from no where and I feel like I'm a baby
Sickens me that now I'm treated as leader
Everyday I feel like I'm becoming Peter


Dear sis, I wanna thank you for the visit
And even though sometimes I disagree I hope you know I listen
That cabin and the lake for my vacation was amazing
But then shipped me off to Command School for proper training
Not at all what I expected, but no surprise, alone again
Right when I had finally had made a couple friends
Sat me at a screen to run a hundred simulations
But I used it just to take out my frustrations

But the simulations never end, my eyes they start to bleed
Why is this important? It's just pixels on a screen
Sacrifice my pixels for a win and Graff he screams
But then surprises me by delivering my team

And the sims begin anew, with increased intensity
But I don't care because I have my army here right next to me
We don't get sleep and some succumb to those effects
Pled with Graff, man you gotta let em have a little rest

But then he tells me that the final test is finally here
Bean points out The gate is down, we win and people cheer
And in that moment I feel Peter in my head
So from that day on, I shall be the Speaker for the Dead
Track Name: Bully
When I's a little dude, I wasn't little dude
I've had this belly for as long as I've been eating food
Rude awakening when I hit elementry school
You'd think I wore a target based on people's attitudes

They didn't like me for one reason or another
It's like they like to treat me like I like to treat my little brother
I could, teach a lesson on recessing, only part I enjoy
Until that fateful afternoon out by the Big Toy
I got surrounded and it felt like there were thousands
And my best friend was amoung them, he lived down a couple houses
When I try to seach my mind for what I did to get their hate
Everything before the aftermath is sadly a blank

And they kick and they punch and they hit and I scream
I whine and I cry I didn't do anything
And honestly Mike I just wanted to be
No duty on duty would come to save me
Knock out my breath and I felt like I'd die
And as much as I hated I started to cry
I hazy remember an overcast sky
And that's when I started living a lie



Hey look at me, I'm the bully now
Think that I'm a joke? Then I won't clown around
Made me lose my cool, now this is going down
Even though now I know what I did was wrong

Enter the middle grades, I stored a lot of hate
Stressing when I had to socialize or intergrate
And it's not like I had gotten any lighter
I had this chip on my shoulder in order to be a fighter
That's when I realized that this place was a prison
And sometimes you had to throw a punch for very little reason
And I, devised a theory of preemptive attacks
And I would throw off every dbag that would jump on my back
Accedemically it wasn't such a great plan
Seeing my advisor everytime I'd land a chokeslam
And my mother, god bless her, always having my back
And told me if they're gonna hit you then you have to hit them back
Then I hit people who weren't doing a damn thing
Potiential friend ending up with a nose bleed
I even pushed around the kids on my own team
I was just a little monster in the making



Now as a freshman, I put away the fists
Because I found that I could do my damage with my lips
More than talking shit, but that's the jist of it
And if I knew you just a little, I knew where to hit
I was hormones and insecurity
And in my mind I felt like everyone was hurting me
"Standing up" for myself with some authority
And the worst part is it gave me popularity
Until one day when this girl she stood up
And told me Keith Moore, man you gotta shut the fuck up
And you're gonna have to find another place to eat lunch
And if you try to keep this up then you're just pressing your luck
For the first time it finally clicked
Not everyone I met was gonna act like a prick
And from that day on I'd be all about joy, and try to
Forget that afternoon out at the Big Toy
Track Name: Long Con (Shael Riley Remix)

Walk into these cons like a boss
Marathon, power on, I ain't aiming for a loss
Polygons ramble on, all this swag is open source
Speed along, autobahn, man I know you love these Crocs
Looking like another bearded fatty with a poster tube
Flabby, kinda crabby, but I overhaul my attitude
Cincinnati hottie cosplaying in her birthday suit
Never been so happy with a gender bent Crash Bandicoot
Yeah they loving on the VIP name badge
Haters gets to swarming climbing out the escape hatch
Grabbing every code for a free DLC patch
Losing to an 8 year old, demanding a rematch
Bet you didn't know this like my second home
Tales I could tell require memory like Google Chrome
Packing up these models in this molded styrofoam
Patience while in line is laced in every single chromosome

Long Con is a real convention
Don't you believe detractors
It's just been delayed and obscured
due to myriad factors
It's at the down-town Hilton, the one under construction
Leave your e ntry fee at the door. Await further instruction.

I believe in Long Con

Soooo I was told that there'd be booth babes
I booked my room till Sunday, two years ago I prepaid
This place is insane, in need of several upgrades
Abandoned razor blades and chicken buckets used as lampshades
A bunch of artists said the checks never cleared
And the green room had a rat and a couple warm beers
All the ATMs got jacked, and these kids are in tears
Security's a guy named Matt who keeps on calling us queers
I kinda start to feel like I've been had
What I thought would be a party quickly turned into a drag
I have a hard time here believing Wal-Mart sponsored all these bags
They give a bunch of perfume samples, pass it off like it's swag
If the organizer shows storm his car and we'll mob it
Said that this would happen, guess my mom is a prophet
And right around the time my dignity felt accosted
Redeemed themselves a little when they brought in the ball pit

JPHONIC
yeah, I mighta promised you a thing or two

might of said you’d get an autograph from ash and pikachu

might of said admission guaranteed a piece of epic loot

might of even said that summer glau would wear the zero suit

but, if you look closely you’ll see

the fine print on the receipt

guarantees, that I’ve no legal liability

to provide a refund or relief

or concede that you deserve more than what you have received

so take a seat

And to the rappers who’ve been saying

that I put em on the bill but I’m a shill who ain’t been payin’

let me weigh in with specifics from the contract that you dissin'

even though you signed the line and gave explicit permission

for me to pay you in a very new, exotic cryptocurrency

so what if I invented it and no one takes it currently?

actually, I’m takin’ kind of a loss

so if you’d click this link and donate I would sure appreciate it, boss